atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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