Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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