wake up i wanna do it froggy style
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
