Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
