I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am spending my child support on dildos
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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