Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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