The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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