Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
