he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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