There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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