Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
