Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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