girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
