Can i not drive my cunt home
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
