She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
