He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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