I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They have beer where we have blood.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
