This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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