Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
