if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
