Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
