I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We are two peas in an std pod
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
