I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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