All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up under a house in Key West
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
