Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
