i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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