you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
