i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
