oh god the rape fog is back!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
