I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
