sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
