You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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