Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
