You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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