so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
