i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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