drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
