I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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