anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
