If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
