my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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