just come out here and I will go home with you...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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