But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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