So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
