I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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