Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm at about main and main street
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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