i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
