honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
