Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
