When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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