No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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