dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
