I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
