positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
