Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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