If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
